do you LIVE or simply EXIST

photo credit: fyuryu

I was sad to find out Gary Gygax had died. Gygax was a co-creator of the game Dungeons and Dragons. I never looked up to him like a hero or anything, but I have always been appreciative of what roleplaying has done for my life.

I was a very shy kid in Jr. High. I didn’t really come out of my shell until High School, when I started roleplaying. I became one of those AD&D geeks.

I played AD&D through High School and for several years thereafter when I joined the Air Force. I played with different groups of people from all over the country and outside our country.

Why am I telling you this? Because believe roleplaying games are one way to develop imagination and social skills. I know, I know. You’re probably thinking, “Geeks are not known for their social skills.” Let me give you an example.

Roleplaying games are good for development

In Jr. High when it came time for speech class, I was frozen. I mumbled my speech, couldn’t make eye contact, and my heart would nearly beat out of my chest. I hated public speaking. Outside of the classroom I didn’t make eye contact with others. I didn’t feel comfortable speaking to people I didn’t know, or even those I kinda knew.

Then, as I began to roleplay, I found it easier to speak in front of groups. It was simple: I just had to pretend it wasn’t me speaking. I became someone else, a politician, a wiseman, an expert. I even pretended to be someone else who was pretending to be me, if that makes any sense. I “steped out of myself” and in so doing, I left my fear of speaking behind.

Soon, public speaking became natural. Eventually I realized I wasn’t even pretending anymore. It was me speaking. And I liked it.

Some could say it wasn’t roleplaying in particular that helped me overcome my fear of public speaking, but just the fact that I joined a social group that happended to be composed of roleplayers. Joining a social groups is one of the points Scott Young writes about in his post You Won’t Get Anywhere With Poor Social Skills at Pick The Brain.

I choose to believe it was roleplaying, at least in my case.

Develop creativity

Roleplaying games helped develop a my creativity. Soon, instead of playing in a game, I was running them. I was devising my own adventures for groups of friends. I even created a series of adventures based on the book, The Shattered World, that drew notice from the author, Michael Reaves.

My creative nature has helped me to “think outside of the box” on many projects in my career. I’ve often been complimented, and given an occasional reward, for my creative approaches to problems.

I don’t believe I would have followed the same path had I not been a roleplayer. I have no idea where I would have ended up if I hadn’t been able to overcome my fear of public speaking. Maybe I would have overcome it another way, but I’m not so sure. I know that roleplaying helped exercise and develop my creative nature.

It’s now been years since I’ve played. I’ve grown out of it I guess.

Thank you, Gary Gygax. Your spearheading the table-top roleplaying genre helped one shy kid become a self-confident man.

Readers, tell me, what is your experience with roleplaying games?

I have always had the nasty habit of believing I was too busy to find the time for a vacation. However, over the weekend I found the time to get away to Disneyland. I know it sounds odd for two adults without kids to go to Disneyland, but surprisingly we weren’t the only childless couple there. There were more people there than I thought there would be.

My wife had planned the trip. I was resistant at first. I was busy, I told her. We didn’t have the money, I said. But she insisted. And wouldn’t you know it, there was time to go. There was money for the trip.

As much as I hate to admit it, I still find myself falling back into the old patterns of living on autopilot; thinking only about one day at a time. It’s difficult to break the habit, but it’s a habit I must break if I am to enjoy life.

This weekend got me thinking, how did I get into this predicament where I fail to look beyond today? Why can’t I plan fun times? What makes me think I can’t enjoy life?

It’s not like I don’t believe I can enjoy life. The thought just never come to the surface! That’s living on autopilot: Never even thinking about anything other than getting by day to day. I hate it.

Set aside time for planning.

Many of us are either busy, or believe we are busy. Either way it is important to set aside time to plan. The time can be used to review goals, plan vacations, plan the future, or even just think about what you enjoy.

What would you do if you had the time and money

If you had the time and money, what would you do day to day? Would you continue to work? Would you travel? Would you take up a new hobby or a new cause? This step is one of the most important steps to having a life worth living.

If you are successful in your dreams of living, rather than existing, you will find you have more time on your hands. Or, at least you will find less busy time and more available time. What will you do with that time?

The time you find here is the time you will spend LIVING. If you don’t know what you want to do, how can you truly live? If you fail to find something rewarding and enjoyable in this available time, you risk losing it back to simple existence. You risk filling this time with busy work that ends up becoming your daily routine. Your daily grind. Before you know it, your time is spent.

Remembering to dream

Remember to take the time to dream. Don’t just think about what you could do to fill LIVING time. Think about what you have always wanted to do. Or think about things you never even knew about.

Have you ever gone sky diving? Or how about hiking across country? Or even traveling to a foreign land to learn the local art from a master?

Take the time to not only find your own dreams, but learn the dreams of others. Let their dreams inspire your own. You may find someone else dreams of something you never knew existed, but now can’t live without.

Tree roots photo by zeitspuren

A tree with strong roots can withstand the most violent storm, but the tree can’t grow roots just as the storm appears on the horizon.
~ Dali Lama

When I was a kid in Junior High, I remember facing this bully named Baca. He had always pushed me around. And being rather meek as a child, I let him. But one day after pushing me around, he started to pick on a boy named Troy. Troy was one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet. He was friendly, outgoing, and blind.

Something happened to me that day. As Baca pushed my blind friend against the wall and threatened him, I decided that was the last day Baca would intimidate me. I walked up to him and SHOVED. I looked him in the eye and told him he will never lay a hand on my friend ever again.

From that day forward, he still talked crap to us, especially when he was with his friends. He made threats, but he never touched either one of us again.

This experience taught me that it pays to stand up for yourself. I was fully ready to fight him that day, even though he was bigger than me and would have probably won. But I didn’t care. I was not going to LET him push me around anymore.

That was one of those moments that helped establish my self-esteem. It was one of those things that changed me from being a meek kid into someone whose not afraid to face a challenge.

When we survive a challenge, no matter how small, we experience a change in ourselves. It is the act of facing a challenge, and seeing what it took to face that challenge, that causes growth within us.

It’s not necessary to “win” a challenge to learn from it, even though that is probably what most people believe. Losing can teach you just as much, although the lesson isn’t always apparent. The simple act of facing a challenge cause us to stretch our minds in a new way. Once this type of growth takes place, it is difficult to go back.

The worst thing that can happen to you is not losing a challenge, but refusing to face it. By avoiding a challenge, we stunt our own growth. We become stagnant: Never having to face the risk of loss, but also never facing the chance of victory. We become one of “those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Recognize difficulties in life as challenge, and therefore an opportunity

As difficulties and obsticles block your path of life, try to think of them as a challenge for you to overcome. Use that challenge as a means of growth.

For example, one difficulty many people face is money. Either we don’t make enough, or no matter how much we make we spend it all. Take that as a challenge to solve a money problem. Think about what you need to do to overcome it. Do you need to earn more? Do you need to control your spending? Do you need to change your entire outlook about money?

Take yourself out of the problem

One of the techniques I am learning about in my Masters program to become a professional counselor is desensitizing. Here’s one way of using desensitizing to take yourself out of the problem: Imaging you are in a train. As the train is moving along, observe the country side, the trees, the bridges, the fields. Now you come upon a clearing. In that clearing is someone who is in the middle of experiencing your challenge. It’s important to that you seperate yourself from the picture, even if it is you are seeing yourself in that picture. Pretend you are outside of your body watching it all happen. Regardless of how you feel about it, watch it without emotion.

Examine the scene as it passes. What does it look like? What are all the characters doing in the scene? How did they get there? What can you guess about the unknowns in the scene? What is each person thinking and why? Play it backwards. How did it get to this point?

Let it pass out of your view. Enjoy the view of the country side again before letting the scene pass into view again. Do this several times. Reflect on the scene to explore all the questions asked above. What other questions or aspects of the challenge can you examine?

If you’re like many people, you’ll be surprised to find that when you are out of the picture, you can see more choices and opportunities. Perhaps even the solution will come to you easily.

How can you use this or similar techniques in your other challenges.

Seek the every day challenge

We often overlook the day to day problems that plague us. We often ignore the problems that are ignorable and procrastinate solving them. Instead, seek them out. Solve them and get them out of your life.

Challenge your goals

Don’t assume that the goals you set for yourself last year are still the goals you need to follow this year. Treat them as a challenge. Examine every aspect of why you set that goal. Is it still valid? Do you still need to travel in that direction or is it time to change course?

Challenge yourself

Don’t be afraid to look yourself in the mirror and face the choices you make and why you make them. What good does it do to avoid your fears? What purpose does it serve?

Face your fears. Face the demons you keep locked away and take away the power they hold over you.

Learn from your challenges. Examine each one for the lesson it presents and recognize the growth within you.

Here is my challenge: readers who frequent this blog already know my goal is to work online, or at least be able to work from home, wherever home may be. I want to travel and see the world, not as a short lived vacation, but to relocate my home on a weekly or monthly basis. I want to live in foreign countries for as long as I want and not have to worry how I will save money to afford it. Instead, by working from my laptop, I can take my income with me so the vacation becomes a life long exploration of the world.

My challenge is to find the way to work from my laptop and not be tied to any one location.

What is your challenge? How will you face it? This is not a retorical question, please answer it here in the comments, or trackback from your own blog. Let us all learn together our challenges and ways of overcoming them.

Each day I see those who are not well off. Those who need a helping hand. My heart goes out to many of them.

Especially now, at Christmas, it normal to want to spread compassion and help those he need it and deserve it. Just last month, I assisted a youth group in their project to feed the homeless at a homeless shelter.

I fully support donating time and food in such worthy causes. But I draw the line at giving them money. For example, I often see homeless men on the side of the road with a cardboard sign reading “need a little help, please!” or something similar.

I feel for his plight, but I refuse to reward him not changing his life.

I admit there are many mentally ill among the homeless. I am half-way through a master program to become a counselor. I plan to donate time for those who are homeless and mentally ill. But I still will not give them money.

Am I heartless? Hear me out. First, let’s talk about compassion.

Types of compassion

Most people know what compassion is: feeling bad for others, wanting to ease their burdens. Some of us don’t realize there are two approaches to compassion: feminine compassion and masculine compassion.

Most of us know what feminine compassion is: the desire to help, nurture and care for another. Masculine compassion is a little more harsh. It is also feeling for the other person, and a desire to help. But it also recognizes helping can mean demanding action, or taking action to relieve suffering.

Here is the best example I can give to explain the two types of compassion: I like to watch animal planet and similar type shows. The program I watched not long ago was a documentary on lions. A young lioness was trampled by a herd of animals as it was trying to hunt. It was seriously injured.

The other female lions gathered around the injured one. They nurtured it, stayed close to it and did everything one would expect from the nurturing nature of compassion.

Then the male came over. He too was attentive to the injured lion. But when it became obvious that the injured lioness was seriously injured, the male killed it.

This is a harsh example of feminine and masculine compassion. As difficult as it may be to understand, the male lion’s act was just as loving as the nurturing of the females: he ended the suffering of a friend when it was obvious that friend would not recover.

(For a better explaination of feminine and masculin compassion, read Yin and Yang Compassion.)

Help them. But don’t give them money.

A sign I recently saw entering Grand Junction, Colorado read, “A hand-out is not helping them out.”

When dealing with the homeless, I support donating food, clothing, toys, etc to help them. I have done so myself. But as soon as we start handing them cash, many of them lose incentive to do anything better. It’s operant conditioning at it’s finest: Reinforcing a behavior so it is repeated.

A friend of mine’s son has been homeless for several years. He refuses to get a job. And he’ll tell you, “why should I?” He gets free food, free medical care, donations on the street. On Sunday, he doesn’t have to go to church, church comes to him as missionaries preach and feed him. In most ways, he lives the carefree lifestyle many of us wish for.

We form our own reality

We live the lives we want. That’s the message in The Secret, which I wrote about in Why is The Secret in everything?

We make choices every day. Some of the choices are subconscious ones, but we make them. These choices affect our realities. They become our realities.

I am living the life I chose to live. Even though there are many things about it I am unhappy with, I chose it anyway. Now that I recognize it, I am doing things to make new choices.

It is the same with the homeless.

Have “tempered” compassion. Help them with food, clothing, job training and encouragement. Show them what they need to do to overcome homelessness. Instill in them a vision of prosperity.

But never pay them to be homeless.

(Update: not everyone agrees with this point of view. What do you think? Leave a comment below.)

What’s your opinion about making money online?

Skellie asked that questions in her post, Ask the Readers: Do You Make Money Online?

My attitude is simple: I would love to. I haven’t yet, but I would love to.

If I could earn a living online, that would have a fantastic change to my life! I could then travel anywhere and not have to worry about returning to work, or running out of vacation time.

My attitude is simple: I would love to. I haven’t yet, but I would love to.

If I could earn a living online, that would be a fantastic change to my life! I could then travel anywhere and not have to worry about returning to work, or running out of vacation time.

I would become “location independent.” I would travel. I would spend time with family anytime I chose.

My wife and I discussed such a thing a few months ago on a trip to France. (I’d love to tell you we scrimped and saved for the trip, but the truth is we borrowed money at Prosper.com to afford it.)

We really enjoyed spending a few days in Paris, then almost a week in the south of France in a little village of 50 to 60 people called Labastide Esparbairenque, about 20 minutes from Carcassonne.

One of the things that really appealed to me was the people living in houseboats along the Canal du Midi, which connects the Atlantic to the Mediterranean. They call them canal boats. The boats can dock anywhere along the canal as long as they don’t impede traffic. For many, that was the way they spent their summer vacations. And for some, I believe that was where they lived full time.

If I could earn a living online, I could be one of those people living in a canal boat, or even a motor home, traveling Europe on my own timetable.

I could spend my summers in America as a campground host, fishing in the early morning, taking care of campground duties in the morning, blogging in the afternoon.

Making money online would be a great lifestyle change for me.

So to answer your question, Skellie, I have no problem with others wanting to earn money online in a respectable way. I have no tolerance for spamming or splogging products or affiliate links. But if a blogger provides real content, and also advertises an affiliate link in relation to it, more power to him.

To make money online requires a commitment. It’s not a get rich quick scheme, but a plan that requires actual work, and providing an actual service to your consumers.

There are many “blueprints” and other courses out there explaining how it can be done. But this is the basics of it:

• Find a small to medium sized niche with under-served buyers.
• Find a quality product to sell to that niche.
• Promote the product while delivering something of value to the reader/consumer, such as a quality content or ebooks.
• Establish a reliable follow up system.
• Provide more quality content to keep them returning to view the next product you support.
• Rinse, repeat.

I belive the key to earning money online is to be open, honest and strive to provide a quality service to the consumers. Get Rich Quick schemes seldom do.

Sunday’s are self-help Guest Column day where I find an article I think appropriate for this site.
Today’s article is from Michael McGrath, Focus - Your Power To Create

Photo by Rickydavid

Unfortunately the majority of people on our lavish little green planet are not happy with their ‘lot’ in life. They are living lives of quiet desperation, unsatisfied with their relationships, careers or finances.

What is the main reason for this dissatisfaction? The main reason I believe this is so is due to a lack of understanding about the nature of our universe which can be directly linked to our belief conditioning from childhood.

As a child we begin to replicate the conditioning of our parents. A person’s beliefs and values are often passed from generation to generation until someone down the generations either has a life-changing experience or consciously reorganises or changes their belief system.

Your beliefs and values determine your focus and a key point I make in all my writings on personal development is the simple truth that “your focus determines your reality”. Focus sets in motion the Law of Attraction. (See Wealth Beyond Reason for instructions on using the law of attraction.)

The internal dialogue and imaginings of your mind are guided by your focus and your focus is reflected in your thinking. Your thinking becomes automatic and therefore this becomes your automatic creation system.

If you are not currently living a life that is in correspondence with your desires it is due to your internal automatic creation system being out of alignment with your goals. Simply put this means: Your focus is on what you do not want instead of what you want!

Let’s say you have bills piling up everywhere and no way of paying them. When you receive post through the mail what is your first thought? I bet it goes something like this, “oh no not more bills”. Where is your focus directed?

Why do the rich get richer and the poor get poorer? Well a rich man has money and he knows it. He sees wealth all around him. The poor person sees lack and concentrates on it. Can you see the difference in focus?

Now there are there are two basic ways to redirect your focus. The first is to change your beliefs so that your focus becomes more automatic in the direction that you wish it to go. The second way is to consciously redirect your attention to situations, people or events that correspond to a new belief.

This, however, is often easier said than done. For example examine the beliefs of a racist who thinks that he is superior to another person due to his heritage, skin colour, or ethnic origins. Now any right thinking person knows that these beliefs have no foundation in reality (subjective or otherwise). So in order to change these beliefs, at a core level, the racist would need to have some contact with other racial groups that have equal or better results in areas of their lives than he does. If he believes he is more intelligent then he would need to see that there are highly intelligent people of all races. If he believes that he is more prone to being successful because of his genetics then he would need to see that there are people of all races who achieve success with ease. If he believes that he is more equipped to overcome obstacles than members of another race then he would need to know that people from all walks of life and different cultures have achieved against seemingly insurmountable odds at great hardship to themselves and so on!

The problem with this is FOCUS! In most cases the racist does not want to see these things. He focuses on the situations, people and events that correspond and reinforce his beliefs! In extreme circumstances such a person will not even be in the company, correspond with, or listen about members of the group he is racist against.

You and I do exactly the same thing everyday. If your life is similar today to yesterday, last week or last year it is primarily because your focus has remained the same. Your thoughts yesterday where the same as last week and if your thoughts and focus are the same today then you can expect tomorrow to bring the same results!

If your beliefs are challenged by what you see, hear or experience many times you simply disregard the information and continue ‘blindly’ believing what you chose to believe. We filter our reality so that is reinforces our beliefs. We need to break free from this self-imposed brain-washing and redirect our focus on the things that will reinforce a new belief until we actually come to belief it.

For example take a couple in a ‘bad’ relationship. They come home from work and just know that they are going to have an argument with their spouse. Sure enough they arrive home and argue about who is taking the dog for a walk, what to watch on TV or why they argue so much! Where is the focus in this relationship?

Let’s say they decide to try an experiment in beliefs and focus. They look at what IS working in the relationship. They recall the reasons why they first became a couple and begin to reinforce the things they have in common. Their focus is beginning to shift. Although they will probably fall back into some old routines of arguing again if they keep their focus on their shared interests and the things in their relationship that are working what do you think the effect will be?

Try this little experiment yourself. Choose a person who annoys you in some way and that you can’t avoid but would if the choice where yours. A work colleague is a good example. Can you think of one? OK, what are you focusing on about that person? I bet it is all the things they do that annoy you. Try to think of something they do that you admire of that you like. This can be sometimes difficult but remember that every person has good and bad qualities so try not to become too polarised about people thinking them either good or bad - they are just human beings.

Now for a few days try your best to focus on the things you like or admire about them and watch what happens.

After you have tried this little experiment try other small ones in other areas of your life that you wish to improve.

About The Author

Michael McGrath operates several successful websites including the product review sites http://hypnosis.personal-development.info & http://www.personal-development.info/subliminals.html . His sites test & review the best in their industry.

If you’ve ever driven long distance on a quiet road, you may know what it means to be “road hypnotized” - that state of being where you are simply driving, with no real awareness of your surroundings. You might be passing a beautiful countryside, but it passes by unnoticed. Your mind is lost in the simple act of driving.

That is how many people go through life.

Many people simply EXIST. They go through their day-to-day routines just as they did the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that. You could say many people are “life hypnotized.” They have forgotten the basic truth that life is not a destination, but a journey.

WAKE UP!

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Life should never be an uneventful, boring ride ending in a 6-foot drop in a wooden box. That’s not the way I want my journey to go, and neither should you.

Life should be an extraordinary journey, filled with one happy memory after another. The journey should be an exploration of the world around you, never missing a moment, never missing the opportunity to find a new friend or a new experience.

Many of us don’t even realize we are in a rut until it’s too late. In the book, Wanderer, Sterling Hayden writes, “We are brainwashed by our economic system until we end up in a tomb beneath a pyramid of time payments, mortgages, preposterous gadgetry, playthings that divert our attention for the sheer idiocy of the charade.”

Hayden ends the passage, saying that each of us has a choice: “Bankruptcy of purse, or bankruptcy of life.” Here’s where I disagree with him. I don’t believe a rich, fulfilling life must mean poor in money and security.

I think it’s possible to have both.

What are you waiting for?

Is is possible to live such a life? Absolutely.

• Resolve, TODAY, to enjoy the little things in life.
• Decide what kind of life you want. If you are unsure, use the list of 100 items technique to help decide.
• Seek advice from others who are living the way you want to live.
• Read action manuals to help you along the way. (I suggest The 6-Week Extreme Life Makeover)
• Most importantly, TAKE ACTION! Life doesn’t happen on it’s own. You must make it happen.

To LIFE!

Have you noticed the Law of Attraction in everything?

Lately I’ve been listening to The Secret book on tape. I’ve read about the law of attraction and find it fascinating.

But now that I know about the law of attraction, I’m seeing it in other places and other advice. For example, the classic Think and Grow Rich, is all about the law of attraction.

I listened to a wealth-building conference call by Robert Allen this week, and the techniques he discussed for vivid vision were also very similar to those technniques in the law of attraction.

Over the years I’ve often heard that when you set a goal, don’t just say what the goal is, but VISUALIZE it as if you already had it. FEEL it. SMELL it. Again, the same as the law of attraction.

After reading some the articles on the law of attraction and listening to The Secret, I started to put it to use. I intended for myself to find more business opportunities I can take advantage of. And right away, three things happened to make me believe The Secret is valid.

First, you have to understand a little about me. I’ve been “dabbling” in real estate investing. I’ve made a couple referrals to an investor I know and make $1,750. Not bad for writing a couple emails and talking to a couple people!

I also started a bulk candy vending business after reading about it from Brian Lee at Geniustypes. I grossed $50 in 90 days with one double head machine. That’s not a great income, but that money recouped the investment of the machine. If it keeps earning the way it has, I’ll start seeing profit in another 30 to 60 days.

So what happened to make be believe in The Secret? First, I made the decision that I wanted more business opportunities. Over the weekend I visualized it, thought about it, and became happy with it. The next day I found a bulk vending route of 12 machines being sold locally. I emailed the owner and have begun negotiations. Second, as I walked into 7-11 for a hot chocolate, two ladies walk in right behind me talking about how one is behind on her house payment and may need to sell the house to keep from losing it. Third, my sister sends me the address of a boarded up house she found accidentally.

Coincidence? You can call it that. I call it proof that The Secret is real.

I will test this further. Similar to Steve Pavlina’s Million Dollar Experiment, I will begin my own purposeful intention to build wealth and security. I will give you a monthly report.

I strongly suggest you learn about the law of attraction, or read The Secret.